November 3, 2009

Going Rogue: The Quiz

By Paul Slansky

1) Complete Sarah Palin’s quote: “If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come ___________________”

a) frankfurters are called hot dogs?
b) He made them out of meat?
c) they taste so darn good, especially moose. Sometimes I think if I could only eat one food for the rest of my life it would be moose.

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December 17, 2007

“Giuliani Time!”: The Rudy Quiz

By Paul Slansky

Who said what about Rudolph Giuliani?

1. Schools chancellor Rudy Crew.

2. Columnist Jimmy Breslin.

3. Police Commissioner William Bratton.

4. His son, Andrew.

5. Former Mayor Ed Koch.

6. Al Sharpton.

(a) “His goal in life is to spear people, destroy them, to go for the jugular.”

(b) “It’s like a cult he’s got there. You can’t work with the guy unless you’re willing to drink the Kool-Aid.”

(c) “There’s obviously a little problem that exists between me and his wife.”

(d) “He is not bound by the truth. I have studied animal life, and their predator/prey relations are more graceful than his.”

(e) “[He] didn’t bring us together, our pain brought us together. . . . We would have come together if Bozo was the mayor.”

(f ) “He is a small man in search of a balcony.”

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June 3, 2002

Guess Who Thinks Eminem’s a Genius? Middle-Aged Me

By Paul Slansky

If you’re anything like me, you’re middle-aged, you have a fabulous wife and kid, you see a shrink, you really should lose 15 pounds, you think Albert Brooks is funny and Billy Crystal is not, and you can’t believe that anyone can look at this nasty little prick Bush and see a “President,” and …
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July 23, 1990

Nixon’s Rap

By Christopher Buckley and Paul Slansky

”I have often thought that if there had been a good rap group around in those days I might have chosen a career in music instead of politics.”

– Richard Nixon, reminiscing about his life, on an audio tape at the Nixon Library.

U can’t keep me down, can’t keep me down

U can’t keep me down, can’t keep me down

U can’t keep me down, can’t keep me down

U can’t keep me down, can’t keep me down

Yorba Linda, California, is where I was born

And, just 4 the record, I’m a Capricorn

But that don’t mean you can get my goatRead More ›